My campaign has a theme song, written
by me.
My administration will mandate that everyone in the country gets paid a living wage. Same goes for anyone who's out of work, too.
My administration will ban Christmas music from the airwaves. Anyone wanting to hear those songs will have to download a podcast and use headphones like civilized people.
My administration will bail out the
people, including home owners. All properties owned by banks will be
seized and distributed to people in need of homes.
My administration will stop creating
terrorists around the world. The military will be disbanded, along
with the CIA. We will no longer torture our prisoners.
My administration will phase out the
use of all fossil fuels over the course of 4 years, accompanied by a
massive program of building up the country's wind and solar
infrastructure. My administration will not allow capitalism to
destroy life on Earth, as seems to be the current objective of the
energy companies calling the shots.
My administration will put forward a
bill requiring that all media be owned locally. One organization,
collective, individual or small business will not be allowed to own
more than one media outlet. All local media outlets will be required
to have a staff of local journalists, whose mandate will be to cover
local, regional, national and international issues. Furthermore, one
of the many ways my administration will support culture will be to
mandate that 50% of news be presented in the form of music, poetry,
or theater.
My administration will free all
political prisoners. We will apologize for the decades they lost due
to the backwards policies of the former regime. They will be
compensated financially and in other ways, and asked to join our
government.
My administration will ban the
production and sales of land mines, cluster bombs and all other
munitions that do not have specific civilian uses.
My administration will ban money from
politics. All candidates who get the required number of signatures
to run for an office will be provided with an appropriate budget for
running a political campaign, depending on the office for which
they're running. No outside money will be allowed. Money is not
speech. Speech is speech. Money is money.
Under my presidency, land and other
forms of wealth beyond a certain reasonable level will be confiscated
by the state and distributed in a more appropriately egalitarian
fashion among the broader population, as it should have been in the
first place. (And as it was before colonization.)
My administration will end the drug
war. All recreational drugs will be legalized and regulated for
quality assurance.
Corporate personhood. Corporations are
not people and when I'm president they will not be treated as such.
I mean those that are left after the bigger ones have been turned
into collectives.
Why vote for me? Well, for one thing,
the Republicans and the Democrats are both controlled by big money.
Yes, the Democrats, too. And the Democrats have started most of the
wars the US has been in over the past century, too.
My administration will abolish
Selective Service and any other vestigial remnants of the draft.
My administration will ban sugary
drinks unless they use xylitol or something that won't rot your teeth
and make you fat. Coke is the drink of the death squads, anyway.
My administration will make sure we do
our best to dismantle and store as safely as possible all the nuclear
power plants, nuclear missiles, and weapons of mass destruction,
including of course all areas contaminated by the widespread use of
“conventional” Depleted Uranium munitions.
Under my administration, the US will no
longer be an empire. As a result, no one will hate us enough to
carry out any more terrorist attacks, and there will be no more “war
on terror” either.
The rich shall be eaten. (Figuratively
speaking, of course.)
Never again will the United States use
the bodies of the dead to make paper. Yes, we did that. Bizarre,
isn't it, the workings of the free market.
The corporate media will be abolished
under my presidency, and journalism will be the responsibility of
local media collectives, and artists.
My administration will impose strict
land use and zoning standards throughout the country in order to
promote mass transit, bicycle lanes, and other such infrastructure.
Pedestrian areas will be the norm, not the exception. Cities and
suburbs will be especially transformed, community will be encouraged
through the changed infrastructure, which will all profoundly affect
mental and physical health of people throughout the country. No
longer will one suburb be indistinguishable from the next.
Properties owned by banks will be
seized. With all other properties not seized outright for
egalitarian distribution among the population, strict enforcement of
rent control will ensue, in order to reverse the process of
gentrification happening in many cities currently.
Guantanamo Bay and all other
concentration camps run by the US, foreign and domestic, shall be
closed, for real this time.
Under my administration, we will never
have to worry about who is being killed due to our country's foreign
policy, since the military will have been disbanded.
Under my presidency, no father will
ever lose a son due to their son joining the Army and getting killed
somewhere. That whole horrible generational sequence will be
permanently interrupted.
Uniquely under my administration, the
world will not end. Unregulated capitalism is quickly bringing us to
the edge of extinction. My administration will ban the use of fossil
fuels (except for things like medical emergency helicopters).
During my presidency you can rest
assured that the US will never again commit mass murder. The entire
nuclear arsenal will be dismantled and rendered useless as safely and
permanently as possible. There will never again be a Hiroshima or
Nagasaki.
Under my administration, the few police
employed in various places will be under strict supervision by
civilians with the ability to hire, fire, punish, etc. Nowhere will
police be able to act with impunity again. Plus, they won't have
guns anyway.
My administration will initiate a truth
commission with broad legal powers to investigate crimes committed by
former members of the corporate overlords, politicians, and members
of the armed forces and intelligence agencies.
Hummers and other gas-guzzling vehicles
that have no practical use for civilians will be banned.
Within Wall Street, heads will roll.
(Figuratively speaking, since the death penalty will be banned.)
Bankers will serve prison sentences commensurate with their crimes
against the people of the world. Like in Iceland, but much more so.
My administration will not just talk
about peace and a prosperous green economy. We will disband the
military, phase out fossil fuels and initiate a Marshall Plan for
windmill and solar infrastructure-building. We will do as we say,
and make concrete proposals, not broad, meaningless promises and
“hope” and “change.”
If Democrats or anyone else complains
about third party candidates for political office in the United
States, I have one message for them: support Instant Run-off Voting
or some other form of proportional representation, and quit your
whining about democracy. Real, functioning democracies, unlike this
one, have more than two parties.
My administration will only recognize
countries that have borders that they acknowledge and can draw on a
map. Therefore, not only will my government stop all funding for the
state of Israel, but until Israel withdraws to
internationally-recognized borders, my administration will refer to
Israel as the Zionist Entity.
My administration will kick capitalism
in its ass.
My government will encourage rent
strikes and other methods of winning justice from those who have too
much money, as part of a multi-pronged program to bring about a much
more egalitarian society. We will not send in the militia. Or the
riot cops.
The More Gardens Now program will
facilitate turning most of the roads in the country into community
gardens.
My administration will ban the logging
of any remaining virgin forests, and severely curtail logging on all
other lands, in order to create a thriving, sustainable ecosystem for
humans and other species to enjoy. My government will make
catastrophes like that which befell Oso, Washington a thing of
ancient history.
My government will abolish the Pledge
of Allegiance and other practices in schools that encourage
nationalism. Our policies will be those of internationalism and
cooperation, policies where no one involved comes out on top. My
government will not recognize our own right to use force as a means
of settling international disputes with anyone.
My government will institute a blanket
ban on hydraulic fracturing, effective immediately upon taking
office.
Under my administration no human being
will be called or treated as an “illegal.” We will uphold the
rights of all people, regardless of citizenship or lack thereof. My
administration will welcome refugees, and institute a policy of
reciprocity with concern to immigration. That is, we will generally
mirror the immigration practices of each country, welcoming their
citizens to whatever extent they welcome ours.
The Stock Exchange shall be turned over
to actually useful purposes, such as apartments for homeless people,
museums, nurseries, etc.
My administration will institute a
blanket ban on the transportation of dangerous chemicals by train.
There will never again be a Lac Megantic disaster.
My administration will institute a ban
on transporting dangerous chemicals by pipeline, too.
My government will not spy or collect
data on its own or anyone else's citizens. The Prism Program will be
shut down, along with all of the intelligence agencies, aside from
the limited numbers of investigators necessary to pursue real
criminals, such as murderers, rapists and owners of large
corporations.
My government will support authentic
democracies – not dictatorships, including those masquerading as
democracies. There will never again be a CIA-led coup – not in
Iran, not in the Congo or in Guatemala, Honduras, Haiti, or Chile.
Ana Belen Montes, Chelsea Manning,
Mumia Abu Jamal, Leonard Peltier, Marius Mason and all other
political prisoners will be released.
Workplaces shall be regulated
effectively so that the conditions that gave rise to industrial
accidents such as the one at the Tyson chicken fire in North Carolina
or the BP oil rig off the coast of Louisiana won't happen again.
My administration will respect the
sovereignty of Native America. Rapacious corporations destroying
Indian Country throughout the west today will be stopped. A
well-funded program will be initiated to support Indian-led
initiatives for reparations, land, and a truth commission to
investigate those non-Indians who have committed crimes against
Indian children in Indian Schools and elsewhere.
The School of the Americas, quite
obviously, will be shut down permanently.
The words written on the Statue of
Liberty will, for the first time, become actual practice, rather than
just nice words.
No one will be punished for downloading
music or other media. An equitable system will be put into place
that allows artists to make a living, without punishing people for
freely participating in cultural exchange.
The rich will be taxed until they are
no longer rich, and the money will be spent on making everything
better, rather than on buying nuclear missiles and overthrowing
democracies.
My government will withdraw from all
the “free trade” treaties that have made things so much worse for
workers and the environment around the world. No more TPP or TTIP.
We will pursue fair trade deals with everyone, “free trade” with
no one.
The United States under my leadership
will no longer attack other countries for refusing to trade with us
on our terms. No more trade wars. No more opium wars, no more wars
for oil, or any other kinds of wars, hot or cold.
My administration will lift the embargo
against Cuba immediately.
All “stand your ground” laws will
be annulled. The guns will be taken away and put into the care of
Neighborhood Defense Committees run entirely by women.
Unions, cooperatives and local initiatives of all kinds will be encouraged.
Under my administration, every adult
inheritor of the Walton family fortune will be given full-time
employment at the Wal-Mart of their choice. All of their money will
be distributed evenly among former employees of Wal-Mart stores
around the world.
My administration will put all the
resources necessary into making sure that all military veterans are
housed and cared for in every conceivable way, so no veteran (or
anyone else) ever has to sleep on the sidewalk or on a cot in a
homeless shelter.
Under my administration, local music
and culture will once again be covered by the media, which will be
broken up so that no person, business or collective owns more than
one media outlet.
1 comment:
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